WASHINGTON, DC – Donald Trump will be the next president of the United States of America and no one is happier about it than anti-vaccine advocates, with perhaps the exception of racists and misogynists.
“This is one of those things you dream about but never truly believe will ever happen,” said anti-vaccine advocate and Trump supporter Ross Noonan. “To be able to say we have an anti-vaccine, science-illiterate, xenophobic president is a dream come true.”
Trump won the key states down the home stretch and will be sworn in as president next January.
“This a yuge day for men and bigots everywhere. They said I couldn’t do it, just like those women said I couldn’t grab their pussies and I proved them all wrong,” said an excited Trump. “As president I am going to cut funding to science (for losers), vaccine development (its wrong) and make sure people who are disabled cannot get the care they need (retards).”
Many people in the nation are still trying to digest the news as they prepare for four years of hell under the Trump regime.
“I don’t know if I should move to Canada, build a bunker and stock up on food or what; I’m not sure what to do” said democrat Gillian Manley. “All I know is we just elected a man who believes climate change is a hoax, vaccines cause autism and rich men are allowed to grab women’s vaginas whenever they want.”
Some experts are holding out hope that Trump will not actually like being president and will get bored and resign within his first year.
In the meantime, Americans are urged to get as many doctors visits and medications as possible before the end of the year.
