Marianne Williamson
WASHINGTON – Marianne Williamson is reportedly thinking of asking Gwyneth Paltrow to be her running mate if she wins the Democratic nomination for president.
“Gwyneth and I share a lot of the same values: swindling people out of their money, talking complete and utter nonsense, being anti-science and generally both just being very woke individuals,” explained Williamson. “I think the two of us together could really bring some positive energy and repel the dark energy forces plaguing this country.”
Williamson has come under fire recently after her views on things like vaccines and mental health medications became widely known. She believes that vaccines are causing a rise in childhood chronic illnesses, and that people with mental health issue should not be taking medications, but rather wishing and praying their illness away.
“She is a very dangerous person and I really hope she doesn’t keep getting all this press,” said one unwoke liberal. “All it does is give her a platform for more people to be infected by her verbal diarrhea.”
Paltrow was unavailable for comment as she is currently hosting an organic, crystal healing retreat for $5000.
