OTTAWA, ON – Recreational marijuana is officially legal in Canada with people now permitted to smoke weed anywhere that they can smoke cigarettes. It is also legal to purchase marijuana up to 30 grams for personal use.
Perhaps the biggest benefit from pot legalization, apart from people eating more snacks and being lazier, is the profound health benefits.
“We know from reading alternative health sites and pro-marijuana posts that weed is the solution to every medical problem in the world,” said Dr. Mitch Hedberg. “Marijuana can cure MS, epilepsy, cancer, diabetes, everything. You name a disease or condition and marijuana can cure it.”
Others however are more skeptical:
“We don’t know all the long term health effects of smoking marijuana,” said presumed pharma shill Dr. Marsha Fieldstone. “There have been some studies that show it can cause psychosis and can be damaging to the brain development of young adults.”
Only time will tell what the results of the legalization of weed will have on Canada’s public, but naturopath Paul Therro thinks he knows the answer already:
“I can tell you this for sure: we will see a huge drop in almost all health problems across Canada if more people start smoking pot. If for some reason people with health issues smoke pot and don’t get any better, it is because they have been exposed to either chemtrails or have been vaccinated. Also buy my supplements. I’m a real doctor. ”