Breaking News: Scientists create new toxin to add to vaccines

Breaking News: Scientists create new toxin to add to vaccines

NEW HAVEN, CT – In a breaking story from earlier today, Big Pharma announced that scientists have created a new toxin called “Autisocin” which can harmfully be added to vaccines at minimal cost.

“This is a big breakthrough for us,” said Dr. Paul Profit. “We are always looking for new and exciting ways to squeeze more toxins into vaccines.”

It is a well known fact that vaccines can and do cause any disease or condition you can name, as long as it happened after you received a vaccine (or if you have been in contact with someone who at some point in their life has had a vaccine and therefor is shedding toxins).

Autisocin is an odorless, colorless chemical toxin derived from aborted fetuses and then mixed with Roundup. The toxin is then added to the vaccine at the end stages of production.

Monsanto has agreed to supply the required Roundup, as they have been promised that these new vaccines will continue to harm countless people, as in their company policy.

“We look forward to a great partnership with Big Pharma in creating this new and exciting toxin,” said Monsanto CEO Judas Lucifer. “The more people we can hurt the better; we do alright with GMOs, but to get into the vaccine business is a great step for us.”

The new toxin is already being added to the vaccines currently on the childhood vaccination schedule, but both Big Pharma and Monsanto are ensuring that the news does not make it to the mainstream fake news sites.


  • John Symon

    How long before this starts getting shared by anti-vaxxers in support of their “opinions*.

    • 3lbisivni

      Part of me wants to share it with them just so that they take the bait and then I can shame them.

      • Ken S., As Seen On Watch Lists

        Shame? They’re not familiar with that concept.

  • 123 456

    Pathetic article. Close your laptop and go pick up your welfare check.