NEW YORK, NY – Scientists at Columbia University in New York City released the results from a ground-breaking study today confirming definitively that cannabis cures boredom.
The study included over 1,000 adult subjects who were placed in a room showing a soccer match from 1980 between England and Germany which ended in a 0-0 tie. Subjects who smoked cannabis reported enjoying the game significantly more than those who smoked a placebo.
One subject in the study commented that the game was “one of the most riveting things I have seen in my entire life. The men – almost Greek Gods – were battling for their countries and national pride. It was strange that some of them seemed to be running at lightening speed, while others were standing still. But really, it was just awesome.”
The researchers are planning a follow-up study where the subjects are forced to watch ‘Santa Baby 1’ and ‘Santa Baby 2: Christmas Maybe’ starring Jenny McCarthy.