AUSTIN, TX – Whole Foods Market reported today that their best selling product over the past month, the giant sweet strawberry, was actually genetically modified and sprayed with over 1 million gallons of pesticides (we assume).
Customers are outraged that they have been enjoying delicious GMO strawberries for the past month with no health problems whatsoever. However, now that the news has broke about the GMO oversight, customers are coming forward complaining of all sorts of health issues they suffered from the strawberries.
“Now that I think about it, I didn’t win the lottery the entire month of August” said one disgruntled, crunchy mom.
“Thinking back, I do remember sweating a lot during the past month so it must have been the strawberries” said a hipster.
“I think I had diarrhea at one point this summer. I can’t remember exactly when, but it was probably when I was eating these pesticide berries” said one gastro-challenged young woman.
Whole Foods has promised to remove the strawberries from its shelves right away and to be more diligent when selecting produce in the future.