antivaccinebrain

A Science Post reporter shrinks down, goes inside the brain of an anti-vaccer

in Vaccines by

Using advanced shrinking technology, one brave reporter from The Science Post shrunk down and ventured into the mind and brain of an anti-vaccer to try and find out what goes on in there.

The reporter, who shall remain nameless for their own protection, volunteered for the job and earned the respect of the scientific community for their bravery.

“I for one certainly wouldn’t have done it,” said Doktor Spudd. “I’d be too scared of what I would see and worried it would scar me for life.”

Here is a summary of what our brave reporter found on their journey:

Upon entering the anti-vaccers body (hereby referred to as “Jacob”) I was immediately taken aback by a few things: one, they had clearly had their childhood vaccines based on what I saw and yet did not have any dibilitating condition. I found this strange since we all know how devastating vaccines can be. I, perhaps naively, assumed that Jacob had not received any vaccines in his lifetime.

I ventured further up the posterior cerebral artery and eventually made it to the brain and braced myself for what was to come.

Upon entering the brain, I found myself in the cerebellum (which is located under the cerebrum). The main function of the cerebellum is to coordinate muscle movements, maintain posture, and balance. This part of the brain seemed to be “normal” as far as I could tell, the only minor difference I could see was a strange ethereal like image of Jenny McCarthy floating around between the brain matter. Very strange.

I then made my way up to the meat and potatoes of the brain if you will, the cerebrum. The cerebrum is the largest part of the brain and is composed of right and left hemispheres. It performs higher functions like interpreting touch, vision and hearing, as well as speech, reasoning, emotions, learning, and fine control of movement. This is where things got really interesting. I first attempted to make my way to the reasoning portion of the cerebrum but found it was completely blocked off. I had no way of entering. Upon further reflection I realized I should have expected this, as things like evidence and reason are often blocked by anti-vaccers.

The learning portion of the cerebrum was also very interesting. While the capacity for learning was clearly evident, the area itself was, for lack of a better word, “full.” There was clearly no more room for learning anything new. It was almost like they had learned everything they wanted to know, and would refuse to learn anything new or anything which contradicts what they already “know” to be true. This is also where I encountered my second ethereal spirit, this one took the form of Andrew Wakefield, disgraced doctor and the “father” of the anti-vaccine, pro-disease movement.

The rest of the cerebrum was similar, with parts reserved for memory and reasoning also blocked off.

The last portion of the brain I explored was perhaps the strangest. Throughout this final area was a kind of strange, red, pulsing, almost like a heart beat. The difference being that every “pulse” was accompanied by a floating word which would appear and then dissipate only to be replaced by another. The words varied slightly, but mostly consisted of “sheep”, “research”, “autism”, “shill”, “caps lock” and “big pharma”.

At this point I received a warning message that I needed to get out of there so I managed to find my way to the ear canal and make my escape. Once I was free of Jacob, I resumed my normal size and immediately began to write my notes.

So to conclude, the brain of an anti-vaccer is quite unique: there is no room for learning new and contradictory ideas, reason and memory areas are also unchangeable and the strange ghosts of anti-vaccine celebrities are taking up residence. It is also clear that anti-vaccers are constantly thinking of things to do or say to pro-science and pro-vaccine advocates as their seemingly favorite words and insults are constantly floating around in their heads ready to be unleashed at a moments notice.

I will take some time to recuperate and shake off the memories of what I saw, but I vow to continue this endeavor in the name of science.

 

The Science Post is hoping to conduct another similar experiment in the brains if anti-GMO advocates sometime in the next few months.

 

  • FallsAngel

    Hilarious!

  • Laura J

    snicker

    • FallsAngel

      Well of course they won’t agree! One side (the anti-vaxers) is wrong!

      • LegionOfDo

        Exactly. Anyone who thinks there are two sides to this is a moron.

        • Laura J

          Still meaningless esp. with trump in charge now.

          • LegionOfDo

            Those who disagree will still be wrong no matter who is in charge. Policies may change, but the truth does not.

          • Laura J

            FUnny you are talking to a pro vaxer. My kids are vaccinated, but they are not like dogs & horses. Science is real, duh! But parents have the right to choose.

          • LegionOfDo

            Whether you are “pro” or “con” is irrelevant to me. I am simply responding to your assertions.

          • Chris

            When I see something like “parents have the right to choose” I think of stories like this, where someone made a decision that affected someone else’s child:
            http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-measles-sspe-20150624-story.html

            Oh, and this one:
            http://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/family/distraught-mums-powerful-vaccination-message-9610620

          • LegionOfDo

            I do too, but unfortunately, people like Laura J who feel it’s a parent’s choice to endanger a child by altering the recommended vaccination schedule cannot be reasoned with.

          • Indeed. They do but other parents have a right to choose about the diseases too.