DENVER, CO – A new study from the University of Denver has shown a strong link between men who believe in conspiracies and a reduction in sexually transmitted infections.
The study was done by the Clinical Epidemiology department of the university with funding provided by Syngenta, the worlds leading manufacturer of chemtrails. The inclusion criteria for the study subjects were males between 21 and 44, are or wish to be sexually active, and believe in at least 2 of the following 5 conspiracies:
| 1. Bill Gates wants to depopulate the earth |
| 2. Vaccines cause autism |
| 3. GMOs are untested and extremely dangerous to humans |
| 4. The government is spraying chemtrails |
| 5. Tinfoil stops the NSA from reading my mind |
Subjects were then given a grade between 2 and 5 (depending on how many of the conspiracies they believed) and the stratified groups were followed for 6 months and were checked for sexually transmitted infections every 3 weeks.
“We were not overly surprised at the results. However, we are nonetheless very excited that we may have found a way to reduce transmission of STI’s,” said professor Dr. Richard Oddis.
There were a total of 467 men enrolled in the trial and the stratified groups breakdown as follows:
Group 2: 124
Group 3: 77
Group 4: 99
Group 5: 167
“We saw absolutely no sexually transmitted infections in the 4 and 5 groups,” said Dr. Oddis. “Group 2 had five infections (0.02 infections per 1000 patient days) and group 3 had two infections (0.14 infections per 1000 patient days).”
The 7 infections which were identified during the six month trial were all followed-up on and investigated. It turns out that all 7 men had visited sex workers multiple times throughout the study and did not use any form of infection prevention. One subject from group 4 also had sexual relations but could not “hold on long enough” to have actual intercourse. The remaining subjects had no sexual relations with anyone throughout the course of the trial.
The authors are also working on a regression equation to place an expected value on the odds of getting a sexually transmitted infection as it relates to unit increases in conspiracy theory activity.
“Our preliminary calculations show that for every hour spent researching conspiracies, men’s chances of getting a sexually transmitted infection are reduced by 6%. For every hour spent talking to a female about conspiracies, the odds of getting a sexually transmitted infection drop by a whopping 29%.”
