Prison staff prepare for huge increase in autism as prisoners get booster shots

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – The inmates at San Quentin State Prison will all receive their adult booster shots this coming fall and medical staff expect at least 60% to be somewhere on the autism spectrum after the boosters are completed.

“We know that vaccines cause autism, everyone knows that” said warden George Mendez. “We also know that no two people with autism are the same, so we can’t paint them all with the same brush. We will be prepared as best we can for every possible scenario.”

Lawyers for many of the inmates are planning a huge class action lawsuit against the state and the prison, but fear they may not have any luck since the court system and government is owned by the pharma companies which produce the vaccines.

“This is an outrage” said anti-vaccine cult leader Sherri Tenpenny. “These poor men going to end up damaged, lost and probably have no souls left.”

The CDC and other health authorities have contacted the prison to inform them they need not worry about the prisoners getting autism from their booster shots, but were quickly hung up on.

“This is a huge waste of resources and an insult to both science and the autism community” said CDC spokesman Dr. Martin Fike. “I can’t even right now.”

 

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