NUTRiBULLET™ Celebrity Spokesperson Uncovers Mysteries of ADHD

science, health, satire, vaccines.

Marijuana and avocado expert, David Wolfe, best known for his interesting hair and social media Successory Posters, has confounded the world’s medical community by discovering every cause of ADHD, a condition he claims does not exist.

According to ADHD researcher, Dr. Carl Silverman, Wolfe’s findings represent a huge breakthrough for the millions who are searching for reasons they have a condition Wolfe doesn’t think exists. “Frankly, it’s a miracle he figured this out,” said Silverman,  “Wolfe has uncovered the causes of a disease he doesn’t think is real. It’s mind-blowing”

Wolfe has found that all substances except marijuana, avocados, and the items he sells in his “Longevity Warehouse” cause ADHD, a disease he claims does not exist. When asked for clarification, Wolfe stated,

“Look, ADHD is made up by Big Pharma, obviously. It’s not real or the French would have it, but I’ve discovered that it’s caused by everything that’s not in my online store. Fortunately, I sell magic mushrooms and essential oils you can mix up with my NUTRiBULLET™ thingy to cure your non-existent ADHD.”

While Silverman and his colleagues around the world are marveling at these ADHD findings, Wolfe is busy creating inspirational memes and solving antibiotic resistance with oregano oil.

Writer, liberal humanist. Huffington Post Contributor. I use gross exaggeration, humor, and blatant stereotyping as literary devices.