New study shows marijuana users significantly healthier than non-marijuana users

science, health, satire, vaccines.

DENVER, CO – A new study just released by the University of Colorado shows that people who regularly consume marijuana have significantly better overall health than people who do not use the drug.

The study looked at the health outcomes of two different age brackets. The first group was men and women between the ages of 18 and 35, the highest users of marijuana. The second group was the 75-95 age range, the lowest users of marijuana. The results were staggering.

“We found significantly higher rates of diabetes, heart disease and cancer in the 75-95 group compared with the younger group” said co-principal investigator Dr. Robert Marley. “We still think there needs to be more research when it comes to the health benefits of marijuana, but this is a huge step towards proving that marijuana has a lot of potential for medicinal use.”

Many pro-pot advocates are hailing this as the holy grail of proof of the efficacy of medicinal marijuana.

“The results speak for themselves man, the bud is the best natural medicine there is” said Billy McPhee, pot-head. “Ditch the pharmaceutical poison man and reach for the leaf.”

A reach indeed.

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