NEW YORK, NY – In a shocking news story heard throughout the country, millions of Americans learned they have been unknowingly drinking dihydrogen monoxide, a dangerous chemical which is also used in bleach.
Ordinary tap water (which is supposed to be filtered and cleaned by the city or county) is loaded with the chemical, the Science Post has learned.
“Tap water is one of the worst things you can put into your body,” explained Mike Adams of Natural News. “It is full of autism-inducing fluoride as well as cancer-causing dihydrogen monoxide. People need to get themselves a proper filter and make sure they are drinking dihydrogen monoxide free water.”
Fortunately for the American public, websites like Natural News and The Food Babe are more than willing to help by selling or promoting various water filtration systems.
“I haven’t had dihydrogen monoxide in my water for over ten years thanks to my two hundred and ninety-nine dollar (shipping and handling extra) filter which you can buy from one of my affiliates,” explained Vani Hari aka The Food Babe. “Why would anyone want to drink the same chemical that is used to make bleach? Chemical free water is the only way to go.”
The National Dihydrogen Monoxide Information Center is currently collecting signatures to launch a multi-billion dollar lawsuit against water.