FLINT, MI – As controversy surrounds the situation with the water supply in Flint, Michigan, Merck Pharmaceuticals is looking to take advantage.
“We have stuck a deal with Flint to purchase all of their tainted water at a very reasonable price,” said Merck CEO Dr. Henry Clah. “The water is already full of lead which we know causes all sorts of problems in children. The goal of vaccines is also to cause all sorts of problems in children, so this will save us significant time in the production process.”
Flint residents have been complaining about the water supply for months and testing revealed it contained high amounts of lead.
“I don’t know how they let it go this long without doing anything, it’s absolutely ridiculous,” said one Flint resident. “However, I am glad that they are finding a way to use the water and not let it all go to waste.”
While Merck is happy about the deal, they are still planning to add mercury and aluminum to their vaccines as per usual.
“We are excited to see the side effects of lead in vaccines, but we are still a little nervous. We know that mercury and aluminum are great at causing autism and vaccine injuries, so we’re going to continue to unnecessarily add them to vaccines for the foreseeable future,” explained Dr. Clah.
