NEW YORK, NY – Mathematicians and Statisticians from Columbia University have discovered a new branch of mathematics: vaccalculus.
“Vaccalculus is the unique form of mathematics and statistics that anti-vaccine advocates are proficient in,” explained Professor Dr. Frank Clark. “They have a very unique way at both interpreting and manipulating numbers and statistics that only makes sense to them. It’s quite fascinating.”
As an example, the researchers use the example of a measles outbreak.
“Lets say we have a school with 100 vaccinated kids and 10 unvaccinated kids; 4 of the vaccinated kids get measles and 2 of the unvaccinated kids also get measles. Most people would say that 4/100 (4%) of the vaccinated kids got sick and 2/4 (50%) of the unvaccinated kids got sick. We can therefor conclude that a higher percentage of unvaccinated kids got the measles and the vaccine provided a strong measure of protection. However, using vaccalculus, we can simply say that twice as many vaccinated kids (4) as unvaccinated kids (2) got sick and therefor the vaccine doesn’t work.”
The new branch of math is expected to be added to the home school curriculum next fall.
