doctors, coma

Woman wakes up after 20 year coma, reads news, asks to go back in coma

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NEW YORK, NY – Area woman Janet Hutton, 53, finally awoke from a nearly 20 year coma to the delight and celebration of both doctors and family.

Unfortunately, soon after she woke up, he was given a laptop to catch up on the worlds news. He did not like what he saw.

“You mean to tell me that people think vaccines cause autism, Donald Trump is our next president, and we’ve made amazing advances in food technology but people are against it?” asked a bewildered Hutton. “No thank you. I’d rather be asleep quite frankly.”

Normally, doctors are not allowed to place a patient in a medically-induced coma via request, only when it is medically necessary. However, given the circumstances of 2016 they have made an exception.

“We feel that it will benefit Ms. Hutton’s mental health to be placed back into a coma and not have to deal with the events of 2016,” said neurologist Dr. Grant Jenson. “To be honest, I can’t really blame her and I sort of envy her.”

Many people are counting down the days until 2016 comes to a close with many feeling it was the worst year of their lives.

“2017 can’t come soon enough,” said one person we interviewed. “2016 was a terrible, terrible year. Fingers crossed that 2017 is somehow a little better.”

People are anxiously awaiting Trump’s first few months as president to see what happens, including the science community. Trump has called global warming a hoax and tweeted that he believed vaccines can cause autism.

Reports also indicated that many hospitals across the United States have been swamped with requests for medical induced comas for the next 4 years.

 

  • Chris

    “You mean to tell me that people think vaccines cause autism, Donald
    Trump is our next president
    , and we’ve made amazing advances in food
    technology but people are against it?”

    During my entire childhood I was told that the Russians were bad, the Soviets were bad and that the liberals (who were “communists” just because) were going to destroy our country by embracing the Soviets. I know my father, brother, sister and a few other very conservative relatives voted for Trump. These were the people who told me everyone they disliked were “communists” (last phone conversation with my father I almost screamed him that communism is financial model, one that was used on every freaking military base in this country prior to the 1980s… dad is retired military).

    And now the irony is that with their vote for an idiot, they are the ones that actually turned our country over to the Russians.

    • FallsAngel

      You know, I’m old enough to remember the cold war well. And I remember people who were very anti-communist. Communists were supposedly against religion. They supposedly wanted people to leave the church. And they were (according to the anti-communists) infiltrating the churches, causing some to leave the church. I recall a pastor saying that the anti-communists got people to do what the communists never would have accomplished. This is the same thing!

      • Chris

        Exactly.

        In reality it is not about any kind of “economic system” (and modern Russia is very far from true communism), it is about power. Lust for power comes under many names from dictatorship to fascism.