Local man cures cancer with marijuana, now too lazy to leave couch and Xbox

DENVER, CO – Local cancer patient Leonard Nance, 33, has reportedly cured himself of thyroid cancer by using nothing but marijuana. Family and friends are beyond excited while Leonard himself gave a thumbs up from his couch and smiled with barely open eyes.

“Yah, I just like, totally smoked pot all day long and now I don’t have cancer anymore. It’s a total miracle man,” said Nance. Unfortunately, Mr. Nance is unable to remember when and where he was told that his cancer was cured or by whom. “I dunno, I guess it was some kind of doctor or something, but I don’t remember.”

Nance then sat down on his couch, lit up a joint, and flicked on his Xbox.

“We are so happy for him,” said Leonard’s mother and roommate, Bernedette. “While I would still like to speak with his doctor and hear it from her, I am still very happy that my son is cancer-free.”

Mr. Nance is apparently also rent-free, and will continue to live in his mother’s basement spending his time curing his cancer, playing Xbox and learning to hack.

The Spudd Times reached out to oncologist Dr. Pamela Landy to confirm Leonard’s claim, but she told us she cannot discuss the specific details of any of her patients. She did mention that she has not seen Mr. Nance is over two years.

 

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