Timmy O’Toole, best known for his kickball skills and getting the measles, was disappointed again yesterday when he was unable to trade any of his lunch his anti-vaccine, anti-GMO mother had packed for him. The lunch consisted of a nut-free peanut butter sandwich on gluten-free bread, a bag of air, two homemade kale crackers, a bottle of ‘chemical-free’ water and one non-gmo slightly bruised strawberry.
“My lunches always suck,” said an angry Timmy. “My friends don’t want any of it and I can’t trade anything. I’m stuck eating all this crap.”
Timmy’s mother, 34 year-old Margaret O’Toole, is proud of the lifestyle she has forced on her child.
“Timmy doesn’t get any vaccines, never goes to the doctor, is gluten and GMO free and is a very happy boy,” said O’Toole. “The only small hiccup we had was he got the chicken pox, measles and pertussis all in one year. But now he has naturally immunity and hearing loss in one ear. Totally worth it.”
At last report, Timmy is hoping to convince to his father to sneak in some better snacks to his lunch as he suspects his dad is secretly eating gluten while at work.
