KALE is having a hard time adjusting to its new-found popularity, according to sources close to the vegetable.
The green leaf, regarded by hipsters and caterpillars as the greatest thing in the world ever due to its health benefits and tolerable taste, has seen widespread concern for its well being in recent weeks.
A source said: “Kale is really finding it hard at the moment. Everywhere it goes it’s being hounded by female Cosmo readers and moustachioed men in tweed jackets. Girls like it because celebrities tell them to, men like it because their girlfriends tell them to. Kale is worried that it’s a fad and it’ll fall apart at any minute.”
Kale, which was first discovered in a supermarket in 2011 by someone trying to buy a cabbage, alluded to its fragile state in a series of cryptic tweets yesterday. “Sometimes I don’t know whether people love me for who I am, or who I’ve become”, the superfood tweeted to its 30 million followers.
Sam Morgan, trend analyst and expert at putting things in his mouth and chewing them, thinks Kale has a reason to be anxious. “This is how the food industry works. They say ‘okay, we’ve got shitloads of X,Y, and Z and we need to get rid of it- let’s make it trendy.’ And it works because trends are mostly perpetuated by morons with no taste. Kimchi? You poor misguided fools.”
-James Coyle
