NAZARETH – Jesus Christ, the son of God, has reportedly been admitted to hospital with pneumonia and encephalitis. Jesus was found running through the forest after escaping from the Christian Science church.
The church refuses medical care of any kind and several of the groups children have died unnecessarily as a result.
“We don’t use anything that was not in the bible. People in Jesus’ time survived without all this new medical technology and God and Jesus are the only healers we need,” said Quinton Howse, faith healer. We contacted Quinton through Skype, where we also discovered he wears glasses and uses an Apple Watch.
Christian Science and several other faith healing religions have come under fire recently for refusing to give their children medical care and instead choosing to use prayer and essential oils (even though Jesus never used essential oils).
Speaking with The Spudd Times, Jesus urged his followers to use the best possible methods available to save their children’s lives.
“By all means use prayer and oils, but please also take your children to the hospital when they have difficulty breathing and a fever” said Mr. Christ.
Jesus is expected to be released from hospital in time for his birthday.