SYRIA – The militant group ISIS is feeling the financial effects of war and have been forced to cancel their dental plan in an effort to save money. The group has been looking at ways to save money ever since the war mongering began.
“War and beheadings aren’t cheap,” said an anonymous ISIS member. “We needed to find a way to save some money. We know this won’t be a popular decision among our soldiers but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.”
The members of ISIS are a somewhat hostile lot to begin with, so one can only imagine what the news of losing their dental plan will do.
“Have you ever tried to invade a country, steal their women and behead someone while you have a toothache? It’s next to impossible,” said the anonymous ISIS soldier. ISIS is not garnering much international sympathy from the news of their cancelled dental plan, seeing as how they are a terrible and violent militant group bent on murdering as many innocent people as possible.
“This is good news as far as I’m concerned,” said Major Jack Arnold, 4th Infantry Division of the United States Army. “I hope they all get cavities.”
ISIS maintains it will still keep it’s current medical coverage and pension plans; however, most members don’t live long enough to collect their pensions.
