With breast cancer awareness month upon us, the conspiracy theorists are out in full force claiming Big Pharma has the cure for cancer but is not willing to release it.
“There is no money in a cure, they want us to be sick. We are their cash cows,” said non-cancer patient Nancy Tuttle. “How can they not have a cure for cancer after all the money that has been raised? It makes no sense.”
In a Spudd exclusive, a Big Pharma insider spoke to us under the promise of anonymity.
“We did have a cure for cancer,” the insider explained. “But we lost it. We found the cure on a Friday afternoon before a long-weekend, so we figured we would get back to it on Tuesday. When we got back to work, no one could remember where we put it. So we had to start back at square one.”
As everyone knows, all it takes it money to cure cancer.
In the meantime, cancer-cure conspiracy theorists are encouraging cancer patients to buy online supplements and essential oils to cure their cancer. When that doesn’t work, they will still find a way to blame conventional treatment.
