NORTH POLE – While many mainstream, conventional doctors and patients have a hard time understanding how people can shoot coffee up their rectums, it is still a practice quite often used by morons.
“Morons make up the bulk of our sales of coffee enemas,” said Dan Stevens, coffee enema aficionado. “This Christmas we came out with a line of candy cane and egg nog coffee enemas and everyone just went crazy. We can’t keep them in stock.”
The coffee enema was popularized by the Gerson Therapy, an unscientific method of “detoxing” seemingly made up out of nowhere. The therapy is promoted to people with cancer and involves being forced to eat a strict raw food diet, pay for expensive minerals and supplements, and regularly firing some coffee up the rectum.
“Hey, if your going to shoot coffee up your ass, why not be festive about it?” said Stevens.
Several people with cancer have gone through the Therapy and have gone on to live wonderfully short lives. Most often, when patients use the therapy and nothing happens, they come back to conventional medicine. It is often too late.
Merry Christmas!
