NEW YORK, NY – In a breaking announcement today from New York City, rich white men have announced they will decide sooner rather than later what rights women will have over their bodies.
“We have heard women’s voices and we respect that. We will decide in the coming year if we will allow them to control what happens to their bodies,” said one rich white man. “It partially depends on who gets into the White House though.”
Donald Trump pledged to make abortion illegal and if women have the audacity to still get an abortion he will be forced to spank them (or something like that), which has many women on the edge of their seats.
“I really hope a rich white man tells me what I want to hear. I’m pretty nervous to be honest,” said 27 year-old Chrissie Shelton. “I would like to have the choice when it comes to my health and my body.”
It is a well known fact that rich white men are the best at deciding pretty much everything, especially when it comes to women’s rights and women’s health.
“We don’t take this responsibility lightly. We know women are counting on us to come to a decision for them, the same way we do for poor people and African Americans,” said one rich white man. “You’re welcome by the way.”
