FDA: Tinfoil hats are a major risk factor for brain cancer

NEW YORK, NY – The Food and Drug Administration announced the results of a five year study today, stating that the use of tinfoil hats is a major risk factor for brain cancer. The study examined conspiracy theorists who used tinfoil hats to ward off the governments mind control experiments versus those who did not. The conspiracy group had a 3.4 times risk of getting brain cancer.

“This the largest study of its kind to date” said lead researcher Dr. Tony Alcan. “The results were very conclusive. The FDA does not recommend using tinfoil hats of any kind.”

Conspiracy theorists and anti-vaccers everywhere sloughed off the report, claiming it is part of the very conspiracy they are protecting themselves against.

“This is just one huge joke. The FDA knows the tinfoil hats are working, and they concocted this ridiculous study to try and scare those of us who aren’t sheeple” said conspiracy theorist David Roswell.

The full study is set to be published in next months issue of The Annals of Foil.

Evil doktor, pharma shill, vaccine chemist, Monsanto spokesperson, GMO lobbyist, chemtrail deployer and false flag organizer.