Pediatricians in the US are five times more likely to suffer concussive injuries than other medical professionals, due to “excessive face palming” triggered by the stress of talking to anti-vaccine parents.
“The data are really quite clear,” says Dr. Jack “Cookie” Milton, MD, PhD, lead author of a study published in Neuroscience. “We’re seeing levels of brain injury ordinarily associated with high school linebackers and community college women lacrosse players.”
Susceptibility varies by region, with clinicians in Marin County, California; Portland, Oregon; and the Chicago suburbs most likely to show signs and symptoms of concussion, which include headaches, amnesia, dizziness, “seeing stars”, and ringing in the ears.
“Face palming is found in many cultures to display horror, disappointment, surprise, or in the case of pediatricians, the disappointment of hearing a parent blame the hep B vaccine for an infant’s fontanelle,” says Milton.
A spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics urges its members to find another outlet for the sheer frustration of listening for 20 minutes to a mother explain how the toxins in the MMR vaccine can time travel, thus triggering autism in an unvaccinated six year old whose younger sibling received the shot.
“Punch a wall, scream into a pillow, play rugby,” says the spokesperson. “These are all safer alternatives than repeatedly and energetically slapping your forehead.”
Dr. “Ed”, a Milwaukee pediatrician who wishes to remain anonymous, says the repeated sub-concussive events associated with face palming left him unable to work for six months.
“At first I didn’t realize how often I was face palming,” he told The Spudd. “But as more and more parents started quoting Dr. Bob’s Vaccine Book, and demanding prescriptions for bleach enemas to prevent developmental delay, I turned to face palming for relief.”
The breaking point came when a 19-year-old mother accused Dr. Ed of using “Western math” to estimate the dosage for an antibiotic.
“She said there is no word for ‘autism’ in China, and that’s because they use different numbers, so they space out their vaccines,” says Dr. “Ed”.
“After she left the clinic, I face palmed so hard I actually raised a blood blister.”
