As a part of the recent North Korean hacking of Sony Entertainment’s database, some very interesting things were found. No, I’m not talking about the smell of Angelina Jolie’s shoes (although that was a very telling email). Instead, among the many items uncovered by the hackers was this; Dr. Tenpenny’s diary. Here are a few excerpts:

August 5th

These pro-vax nut jobs think they can stop me from telling the truth? No way. I am going to share this with the world, and they can’t stop me. I have uncovered more proof that the research I’ve done is right on the mark. I studied chemistry in middle school, and that’s proof. The chemical symbol for mercury is Hg, which everyone knows is an ingredient in vaccines. Notice that the word mercury has no H and no G in it. Rather, they are actually the initials of the person who first started putting mercury in vaccines; Hermann Goering! That’s right, vaccines began as part of a Nazi plot. When I reveal this in my new book, “Your Non-Stick Skillet is Toxic and it is Killing You”, those pro-vaxers will finally be shut down permanently.

August 11th

I am having a great deal of difficulty getting my passport and visa for my trip to Australia. I’m certain my enemies are involved in this, but I will prevail. I must share the truth with those poor souls on the other side of the world. I studied history in middle school, and learned about the Greeks. Monsanto comes from the Greek “mon”, meaning one, and santo, which clearly has reference to former Chicago Cub player Ron Santo, who contracted diabetes from the chemicals used to fertilize the grass at Wrigley field. When I reveal this on the new cable show of the eminent pediatrician, Jenny McCarthy, it will rock the world.

September 1st

I finally got my travel arrangements made, another victory against the nut jobs! I studied geography when I was in middle school, and I know where Australia is. When I finish my first presentation “down under”, I will provide all in attendance with a discount code for the grand opening of my new online supplement store. And I’m going to feature my latest product innovation break-through, Tenpenny’s Hyperbaric Oxygen Chamber (THOC)! Now every parent of an autistic child can use this as a cure. I will explain how deep sea divers use this type of system so they don’t get the bends. I mean, come on, have you ever seen a deep sea diver with autism? Of course not. That’s because the THOC works!

September 23rd

I’ve been shopping in preparation for my trip to Australia. I picked up a case of Natural, Organic toothpaste, just in case it isn’t available there. I studied health in middle school, and I know how important good dental care it.

It’s great toothpaste- I can pronounce all of the ingredients listed, and it doesn’t contain fluoride. Everybody knows those bastards at Monsanto are part of the corporate takeover of our drinking water system, and they use fluoride to make us stupid so we won’t notice what they are really up to. But I am on to their tricks. They’re not going to dumb me down, no sir. Speaking of dumbing down, when I get back from my trip I am going to share the truth about the new Common Core standards for the schools. I can’t believe they actually snuck this by concerned citizens like me. I have researched this topic, and have it on good authority that this is just another step in government mind control. That authority was my sister-in-law’s PTA Treasurer, so it’s been scientifically proven (It’s that whole six-degrees-of-separation-Kevin-Bacon thing, and we all know what they put in bacon)

October 9th

I have to get a special charger for my cell phone for my trip. Apparently, American electricity isn’t good enough for those people. Oh well, since I keep my phone wrapped in seven layers of foil (so the radiation doesn’t leak out), I am sure it will work with Australian electricity.

I just heard that green potatoes are toxic (just like non-stick skillet surfaces)! That’s why they feed them to prisoners in South Africa. I’ve done my research; according to Wikipedia, it would take 4 or 5 pounds of green potatoes for the toxin to take effect. I bet I have eaten way more than that in my life. (I took math in middle school, so I’m pretty good with numbers.) Guess I need to switch to a different side dish. I wonder what they have in Australia…”G’day mate! I’ll have a kangaroo fritter with a side of didgeridoo!”

Have you ever noticed that when you rearrange the letters in ADHD, you get HADD? As in you and your child have be HADD by big pharma. I need to do some research on this.