CHICAGO, IL – At least 40 anti-vaccine gang members complained of dysbiosis and other questionable medical conditions following a violent clash outside of a Chicago-area autism conference. Police arrested nearly 200 people, mostly women, whom they describe as “angry and thoughtful.”
Numerous witnesses say an argument broke out between the “Rescue Angels” and the “Mad Mothers Against Mandatory Immunization.” Alleged injuries also included Chronic Lyme Fatigue, Retroactive Infertility, Immune System Disparagement, and Adult Onset Prader-Willi Syndrome.
“I know what happened and nobody is going to tell me different,” said one angry gang member who decline to give her name or explain what happened.
Parents had gathered at the Loews Chicago O’Hare Hotel for the annual AutismOne Conference, a three day event which brings together parents and alternative healing practitioners from around the world. Some witnesses reported an argument broke out near an aromatherapist’s display over claims made for a thyme-scented aerosol. The fight quickly escalated and spread to the parking lot.
Conference organizers were on the defensive when contacted by The Spudd. “We at Autism One pride ourselves on providing a safe place for parents to explore the world of autism treatment and prevention,” said Autism One President Barry Haranga. “That’s why we don’t allow reporters here. Now get out.”
By that evening, some gang members were claiming the fight either didn’t happen, or was blown out of proportion.
“The Big Pharma controlled news media loves to invent things to embarrass us parents,” said Derek Blankschteil, speaking from the back of an ambulance where an EMT was checking his testosterone levels after the fight.
