BALTIMORE, MD – I, Doktor Spudd, evil doctor and pharma shill, recently went undercover disguised as a concerned patient with a variety of ailments: malaise, back pain, fatigue and headaches. I visited a naturopath to see what they would say. Below is the official transcript of my encounter.
Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Office of Naturopath Paul Therro.
Clive Frobisher (my alias): Hi I’m her to see Dr. Therro.
Receptionist: Sure, please take a seat. There are some magazines on the table.
Clive: Thanks.
(The magazines are all natural health magazines, mostly full of ads. There is however one copy of Miniature Donkey Talk, very odd)
My name is called and I go in to see the good doctor.
Therro: What seems to be the problem today Mr. Frobisher?
Clive: Well I have this headache that won’t go away, I’m always tired and sore and my lower back hurts a bit.
Therro: Hmmm, yes I’ve seen this before. What is your diet like?
Clive: Pretty normal I guess. I try to eat as healthy as I can. Do you want my history or family history at all?
Therro: No, it’s fine. I’m pretty sure I already know what is going on.
Clive: Wow, that’s great news.
Therro: Have you had any vaccines recently?
Clive: I had the flu vaccine earlier this year.
Therro: Yup, that’s probably it. I think you have a build up of mercury and other toxins from your diet and vaccines.
Clive: Are you sure?
Therro: Yup, seen it a hundred times. Don’t worry though, I can fix it for you.
Clive: That’s great news. How?
Therro: I have some natural herbs I can give you and a really good detox kit.
Clive: You can give them to me?
Therro: Yes, in exchange for the small fee of $249.99 plus tax.
Clive: I think I’ll pass. Thanks anyways though.
Therro: Are you sure? Your symptoms will only get worse without these, you know that right?
Clive: I’m going to get a second opinion. Thank you for taking the 2 minutes to see and diagnose me though.
Therro: Anytime. You can pay the receptionist on your way out. Your first consultation is $89, but they go down in price the more you come.
Clive:…great…
I left the office, paid my $89 and headed home. Stay tuned next week when I visit Dana Ullman, homeopath.
