In a stunning coup for inpatient medicine, intern Jody Severs convinced Dr. Jeremy Infante to make the long trek from his office in the adjacent medical office building to the ICU at Sacred Heart Hospital for a consult.
“He initially fought me hard,” said Severs. “I mean nothing I said convinced him this critically ill patient need a biopsy for his rash. I pulled out the concern for drug reaction, the Nikolsky sign, even the fact that there were multiple different morphologies.” All for naught.
After suggesting several different formulations of topical steroids, Dr. Infante was finally convinced to take a break from his profitable cosmetic dermatology practice when he heard who the patient was.
“My resident saw me struggling on the phone and he sent a text telling me to say the patient was the mother of the hospital CEO. Worked like a charm! He didn’t even bother asking which insurance the patient carried like he usually does,” said a giddy Severs.
“This is very exciting!” according to RN Johnny Valdez. “We never see them here, even on their own outpatient who developed Steven Johnsons. I’m going to ask him for some Botox coupons.”
As per the report, Dr. Infante obtained the punch biopsy within seven minutes of entering the unit and spent another hour and a half answering the staff’s “Does this look weird to you?” inquiries.
“This is why I never show up in the hospital. The other day an orthopod saw me at the urinal and showed me his junk” stated an annoyed Infante. “On the plus side I did tell him it was a horrible case of Wingardium Leviosa and told him to call the rival practice in town to get it taken care of immediately.”
Story submitted by: Paracelsus
