NEW YORK, NY – In a bold move last week, CEO of Nalqor Solutions LLC, an investment firm in New York’s East Side, replaced the standard bevy of chips and chocolate bars in his company’s vending machines with Paleo Diet snacks. The response was both swift and violent.
“Reports indicate that after a few days, the staff became increasingly feral,” said NYPD detective Burt Macklin. “When we got into the building it was a mess. Parts of the CEO were everywhere.”
The NYPD detectives notes read like an episode of the Walking Dead. Employees were found throughout the building in tattered suits, ties around their heads, and the CEO’s blood smeared under their eyes. The tactical team was called in to round up the employees.
“Several of the employees are getting better,” said Dr. Michael Hewton from NY Presbyterian. “They are slowly being weaned off the Paleo snacks and back onto a rational person’s diet. The feral symptoms should disappear in due time.”
This is not the first case of the Paleo Diet causing ferality.
