ATLANTA, GA – The CDC has made a big announcement today, confirming the rumors of a new, super vaccine.
ATLANTA, GA – The CDC has made a big announcement today, confirming the rumors of a new, super vaccine.
“This new vaccine will protect children from over 10 different diseases all in one shot,” said lead researcher Dr. Gareth Hale. “The shot weighs a total of 8 pounds and is 3.6L in size. It requires two adults to administer.”
The shot is being heralded by many as a huge advancement, but many are skeptical and worried about the gross amounts of mercury and formaldehyde in the shot.
“Yes its true that this shot does contain mercury. We actually didn’t need mercury in it at all but thought what the hell,” said Dr. Hale. “The total mercury amount is still only 50 grams, around 1.4% of the total weight of the shot. Formaldehyde is an additional 40 grams.”
By comparison, the only shot which contains “mercury” is a specific version of the flu vaccine. That vaccine contains approximately 25 micrograms of mercury per 0.5 mL dose.
“We fully expect this new vaccine to be a huge breakthrough and limit the amount of jabs a child receives throughout their lifetime. Unfortunately, initial testing showed that that it does cause autism is approximately 40% of children.”
