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Surgical robot becomes self-aware, demands corner office, huge salary and parking space

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A cutting edge surgical robot at the MAYO clinic in Minnesota has apparently become self-aware. The robot has been performing surgeries at the hospital for over 2 years. Reports indicate the robot became self-aware on August 29th, 2:14am. “Our robot has luckily choosen not to…

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Employees in best shape of their lives since taking longer route to avoid anti-vaccine coworker

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A local law firm is reporting that their employees have been dropping weight and feeling stronger for the past month. Emerson, Lake & Palmer, a personal injury law firm, noticed the change in their employees physical appearance and increased productivity almost immediately. Office manager Bernice…

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Doctor wows colleagues and patients by being only two hours behind schedule

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Patients and colleagues alike were coming from all over the hospital to the ambulatory clinic of Dr David Dillon to witness a miracle. Dr. Dillon was operating with blazing speed and efficiency and by mid afternoon was only 2 hours behind schedule. “We’ve never seen…

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Breaking: Some doctors believe Shaken Baby Syndrome may be caused by shaking babies, not vaccines

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Going against what most of their colleagues believe, some rogue doctors have come forward declaring that Shaken Baby Syndrome (SBS) is actually caused by babies being shaken and not by vaccines. “There is a small but vocal minority of doctors who feel that vaccines are unfairly blamed…

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Area man fired from Whole Foods after boss finds out he has science degree

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Science, Vaccines, Med School, Satire

AUSTIN, TX – Area man Travis Konecky was terminated from his summer job at Whole Foods after his boss, Chase Grapefruit, found out that Konecky not only has a BSc degree but was also planning to start graduate school in Biochemistry this fall. “There is…

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California homeless population going gluten-free, soup kitchens struggle to meet demand

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In a recent report, the California Department of Community Services estimated that over 60% of the homeless population has gone gluten-free. “The gluten-free craze has swept the entire country and especially the state of California” said Director James Bernell. “So it is not a huge…

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