New Monsanto GMO corn reportedly protects against chemtrails

New Monsanto GMO corn reportedly protects against chemtrails

Agriculture giant Monsanto announced today that they have developed a new genetically modified corn which will protect consumers against the harms of chemtrails. Chemtrails are a completely accepted and factual concept involving the spraying of mind-control and autism causing chemicals from the back of airplanes. This new breed of corn could prevent any of that […]

Local smoker refuses to use microwave for "health reasons"

Local smoker refuses to use microwave for "health reasons"

Pack a day smoker Lynn Malone recently read about the horrors of microwave ovens and how bad they are for your health, and she immediately made a decision to never use one again. “I read about how the microwave not only destroys the nutrients and alters the DNA of your food, but if you stand […]

Anti-GMO advocate develops first known case of "clueton intolerance"

Anti-GMO advocate develops first known case of "clueton intolerance"

Anti-GMO advocate Gary Reddy has developed what doctors are saying is the first documented case of clueton intolerance. The symptoms of clueton intolerance include: Failure to have a clue what is going on. Inability to get a hint or clue that people want you to stop talking bullshit about GMOs. Unable to accept evidence against […]

Food Babe awarded Ban Hammer to the city

Food Babe awarded Ban Hammer to the city

CHARLOTTE, NC – Vani Hari, aka The Food Babe, was recently awarded a ceremonial Ban Hammer to the city of Charlotte, North Carolina by Mayor Dennis Thoor. The Food Babe was recognized for her work on laying down the banhammer on anyone and everyone who disagrees with her and has the gall to post to […]

Shilly Awards bring few surprises, streaker

Shilly Awards bring few surprises, streaker

LOS ANGELES, CA – The 1st annual Pharma Shill Awards, or “Shillys”, took place last night in Los Angeles. Aside from a streaking Andrew Wakefield, the show went off without a hitch with many of the favorites taking home awards. See the full list of winners below:

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