Merck and Monsanto talking merge in hopes of streamlining cancer and autism

Merck and Monsanto talking merge in hopes of streamlining cancer and autism

NEW YORK, NY – In a breaking story which happened behind closed doors over the weekend, executives from Merck Pharmaceuticals and Monsanto Company apparently met to discuss the idea of a major merger. Merck is one of the largest pharmaceutical companies in the world and therefor one of the leading causers of autism. Monsanto is […]

Big Pharma facing shortage of fetuses to make vaccines with, report shows

Big Pharma facing shortage of fetuses to make vaccines with, report shows

NEW HAVEN, CT – Several pharmaceutical companies are reporting that their stocks of aborted fetuses are running low, with some companies being down to only one warehouse full of the tiny corpses. “This is a real crisis for us,” said one Big Pharma executive who wished to remain anonymous. “We use thousands of fetuses a […]

Merck announces all vaccines now gluten-free

Merck announces all vaccines now gluten-free

NEW YORK, NY – Merck Pharmaceuticals made a major announcement today when they revealed their entire lineup of vaccines are going to be gluten-free. “Ever since I stopped feeding Hudson gluten he hasn’t been in any car accidents, broken any bones, has passed all of his classes at school and continues to grow.” “This is […]

Why Big Pharma hates this 40 year-old dad

Why Big Pharma hates this 40 year-old dad

PORTLAND, OR – 40 year-old Ivan Hanysh has been hated by the pharmaceutical industry for decades. Why? Because he and his family barely have to use their products or services. “Me and my wife are completely caught up on our adult booster shots and both my children are fully vaccinated,” explained Hanysh. “We also exercise […]