Cancer patient dies after using both colloidal silver and Reiki, naturopaths stumped

science, health, satire, vaccines.

Local man Frank Shattenkirk passed away this morning from a malignant brain tumor at the age of 45. Mr. Shattenkirk had forgone conventional medicine in favor of using colloidal silver and getting repeated Reiki treatments.

“We’re really not sure what happened to be honest, Mr. Shattenkirk did everything right as far as we can tell,” explained naturopath Paul Therro. “The only thing we can conclude is that this had something to do with Mr. Shattenkirk’s flu shot he received 7 years ago. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”

The Shattenkirk family is obviously upset with the loss of a loved one, but family members told reporters they are even more upset with one of their cousins.

“One of our cousins had the nerve to put some of the blame on us and on Frank,” explained Mrs. Shattenkirk. “Our cousin Kevin is a surgical resident or something like that I dunno, a brain washed pharma-controlled doctor as far as I’m concerned. He kept telling us to take Frank to the hospital and see an oncologist. Yah right, like I’m going to trust mainstream medicine.”

Naturopaths, chiropractors and homeopaths are coming together to lend support to the Shattenkirk family and help spread the message that flu shots can cause brain tumors. Reports indicate Dr. Mercola is already hard at work formulating a new supplement to ward off the tumor-causing toxins in the flu vaccines. He is hoping to have it up for sale on his website by the end of the month.


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