NEW YORK, NY – In a breaking story you won’t read anywhere else because we made it up, Big Pharma is immediately stopping all production of vaccines. They have decided to focus more on profits and their shareholders and therefor will discontinue the practice of preventing illness.
“At the end of the day, we are a business” said one executive. “We lose money every year by preventing measles, diphtheria, polio, you name it. We are hoping these diseases make a roaring comeback and we can be rich beyond our wildest dreams.”
Doctors and scientists are outraged at the news.
“We rely on vaccines to stop the spread of many horrible diseases,” said Dr. Frank Gerrard, pediatrician. “This is going to lead to thousands if not millions of children getting horribly ill and dying.”
On the contrary, both anti-vaccers and vaccine preventable diseases are reveling in the news.
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“Finally. Now moms all over the world can let their children get any disease they want, as well as letting them stay home with a broken arm.” -Modern Alternative Mama |
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“This is one of the happiest days of my life!!” -Measles |
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“This is great news. I really joined the anti-vaccine cult at the right time!” -Justin Kaneww |
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“Jesus, Jesus, God, measles.” -Megan Heimar. |
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“I’m paralyzed with joy!!” -Polio |