NEW HAVEN, CT – Several pharmaceutical companies are reporting that their stocks of aborted fetuses are running low, with some companies being down to only one warehouse full of the tiny corpses.
“This is a real crisis for us,” said one Big Pharma executive who wished to remain anonymous. “We use thousands of fetuses a year to make our vaccines, and being down to only one stockpile of corpses is really, really bad news.”
Several of the largest pharmaceutical companies reportedly met in secret underneath the Denver airport this week to discuss the looming fetus crisis. While details are still sketchy at this point, it is believed that they may have to resort to using pig fetuses – something they are morally against.
“Desperate times call for desperate measures. We need to provide this country with their autism juice vaccines, and we’ll do whatever it takes,” said one CEO.
Stay tuned to The Spudd Times as we bring the latest from #fetusgate2015.
