Area man commits to fifth conspiracy theory in last two weeks

PHOENIX, AZ – Local conspiracy theorist and parent-basement dweller James Danner announced via Facebook that he has added a fifth conspiracy theory to his repertoire: Big Pharma is hiding the cure for cancer.

Danner is already committed to several conspiracy theories including vaccines cause autism, chemtrails, GMO foods are killing us and 9/11 was an inside job. This makes the fifth conspiracy theory that Danner has pledged to believe in and fight for.

“My first conspiracy theory was the Illuminati, and that further branched out to things like vaccines and chemtrails,” explained the 32-year old. “But I feel like a lot of those conspiracies are easily debunked, so now I’m focusing most of my efforts on Big Pharma secretly withholding a cure for cancer” explained Danner. “It’s pretty much impossible to debunk 100%, because no one will ever know.”

Big Pharma is a central figurehead in many conspiracy theories, including but not limited to vaccines and cancer cures.

“Big Pharma doesn’t want to cure cancer, they would lose billions of dollars in revenue” said anti-science advocate Joseph Mercola. “The best thing people can do is continue to spread the truth to the sheeple and buy cancer-curing supplements from my website of course.”

Danner was pleasantly surprised to see how many people are already heavily invested in the conspiracy with little to no reputable evidence.

“This one is going to be lots of fun,” said an excited Danner. “I’m already working on a Facebook page called “I Fucking Love How Big Pharma Thinks We Don’t Know They Have The Cure For Cancer”, and I already have over 100 likes.”

 

Evil doktor, pharma shill, vaccine chemist, Monsanto spokesperson, GMO lobbyist, chemtrail deployer and false flag organizer.