LOS ANGELES, CA – Parents of little league children across the USA are protesting the use of aluminum in their angels baseball bats, The Science Post has learned.
“Aluminum is a deadly neurotoxin and our children are handling it every weekend!” said Becky Johnson, unemployed anti-batter. “Autism rates are through the roof and it’s no coincidence they started to rise as soon as aluminum bats became popular with kids.”
Scientists are trying to quell the fears of parents, stating that aluminum cannot cause autism, let alone from handling baseball bats.
“There is simply no biological way in which baseball bats made of aluminum can get through the skin, into the brain and then cause autism,” said Dr. Mark Slugger. “It’s simply not possible.”
Anti-batters remain unconvinced having seen first hand the devastation that the bats can and are causing to our nation’s children.
“My son wasn’t vaccinated, home-schooled, and only saw a naturopath; I did everything right as a parent,” said Marsha McClennan, anti-vaccine, anti-batter mother of two. “My son regressed into autism only months after he first started playing with his older brother’s bat,” she explained.
“My first son got autism from vaccines, that much is a FACT. So you can imagine my surprise when my second unvaccinated son also got autism. I know it can’t be genetic, there must be something for me to blame; enter aluminum baseball bats.”
The following graph may help explain:
COINCIDENCE?!?!?!?!?!
