ATLANTA, GA – The Spudd Times have obtained secret government documents from the CDC and FDA indicating that starting in 2017, all children in the United States will receive 168 vaccines BEFORE they turn 1. Currently, children in the US only receive a measly 16 vaccinations before their first birthday and Big Pharma is getting fed up with the lack of revenue coming in.
According to internal documents, the CDC and FDA have been instructed by the Illuminati and Big Pharma to up the number of required childhood vaccines by 950%.
It was also revealed that Martin Shkreli has been appointed to oversee the whole operation.
“We have no comment at this time other than to encourage sheep, I mean people, to listen to the CDC and get vaccinated,” said CDC president Dr. Nicholas Riviera.
It is unclear at this point which vaccines will be added to the schedule, but experts are predicting that they will need to copy existing vaccines or produce several placebo vaccines in order to meet their goal of 168.
“Children in the United States are already getting way too many vaccines injected directly into the bloodstream,” said anti-vaccine genius Rob Schneider. “Now what are they going to do? They’re just makin’ copies of the already dangerous, mercury-laden ones.”
The Illuminati could not be reached for comment.
