The US will see exactly 788 cases of measles this year, according to a public health epidemiologist who examined vaccine uptake, serological analyses, viral attack rates, and Jenny McCarthy’s SAT scores.
“We can say with 95% certainty that the US will experience 144 more cases of measles in 2015 than in the previous year,” says Dr. Jorge Anova. “According to my calculations, there would only be 142 more cases if Miss McCarthy had answered “deoxyribose” rather than “Dominos” on the question “Which sugar occurs in DNA but not in RNA?”
In 2014, 644 measles cases infected 27 states — the most since McCarthy appeared at World Wrestling Federation’s pay-per-view Wrestlemania IX as a guest valet for villain Shawn Michaels in his epic battle against WWF Champion Diesel.
Public health officials have been alarmed at a spike in the incidence of measles in the US, a disease once thought eradicated from our shores. The most recent outbreak has been traced to Disneyland visitors, vaccine-rejecting parents, and McCarthy’s confusion between diethylene glycol and polyethylene glycol.
“Most of those people did not have to get sick,” says Epirenn. “Sister MaryEllen at Mother McAuley Liberal Arts High School was a more than capable science instructor who time and again offered to help young Jenny with her assignments.”
You can see the calculations below with Jenny’s SAT score factored in (JM SAT Score):
